I was so massively impressed by the original film - it came out at just at the right time and really matched the mood of the day - that there was no way I could miss the remake.
Yes, I was disappointed and, looking around the net, I have yet to find a single review which has anything good to say about the new film.
Right, the original. This has perplexed the professional reviewers for decades because they appear to want to really dismiss this film, but they could never determine its category or what it compares with. It is unique in its design. You try to take sides, and find that the obvious enemy is clever and seductive and continually places doubts in your mind. The ending is not a happy one and you never believe that it will actually come to this!
Basically, the story is about a semi isolated community on an island off the Scottish coast called Summerisle, which is a pagan community run by a lord (Christopher Lee) who continues in the old ways and rituals. A failure in the annual apple crop harvest demands a human sacrifice (of burning in the wicker man) of a pure and virginal soul. The person who fits this is a police sergeant (Howie) played by Edward Woodward and who is a serious devout Catholic and well pure, and he is lured to the island. The story unfolds as a conflict between two belief systems, the Catholic and the pagan, which frustrates Woodward's character as the UK is supposed to be a Christian country. What I felt that I was observing was a conflict between two fundamentalisms based on superstition and Lee's character taunts the upright policeman with the line "so you expect me to believe in a birth where a virgin mother is impregnated by a ghost?" In the end the police sergeant is tricked into accepting his fate and he goes to his death as a sacrifice in a way which devout Christians have commented on as a noble path to tread, confident of his own salvation.
What is disturbing about this film is that all the trappings of the pagan community, its rituals, symbols and practices, are all part of the British hinterland, not exotic and foreign and somehow still really belong within the British psyche. Anyone who spends time in remote communities will really notice this, and the British obsession with the state of the weather and their gardens underlines that the needs which pagan beliefs used to serve have not gone away but remain strong in the collective memory. If you don't see this, then you must get out more - visit the remote countryside and watch your back!
The status of the original film remains understated. It was never properly distributed, the prints were butchered, so that only now do we have a reduced quality copy of how the director wanted it, and the actors involved, Lee and Woodward, say the parts they played were the finest they ever did. Another reason why the critics can't quite bury it.

Right, now the remake. The individual chosen to be the spiritually pure sacrifice is Edward Malus, played by Nicholas Cage. Malus, incidentally, is a type of apple and all the women in the film are named after trees. Malus is not particularly religious, but is a California Highway Patrol man - are these especially righteous, tell me? He is lured onto an island called Summersisle where the community is run by strong women, with very poor dress sense, led by Ellen Burstyn. (Incidentally, one of the true horrors of the original film is the clothes worn by the extras, who are local and dressed in 1970s flares, big collar shirts, tank tops and mullet haircuts - how frightening was that?) The women have total control in the guise of a cult which relates to ancient celtic goddess nonsense and the men are docile and submissive and not in an exciting fetish way, but as dopey and defeated. So the conflict is not about religious sensibility, but about who's in charge and the messages here are incomplete. If the film is to be seen as a conflict between Good and Evil, the device was cleverly used in the original as you are not too sure which side you are on, whereas this time there can be no sympathy for the "sisterhood". The island operates in a kind of Amish, anti technology environment, with horses and carts,and where Willow gets the collagen for her duck-lips is anybody's guess. The women address each other as "Mother" and "Sister" but, unfortunately the community does not seem in any way real, with no really old people or young children. The community in the original film is frighteningly realistic, with a convincing spread of ages. Disappointingly, the message which comes across is that females are manipulative and not to be trusted with power: the implication is that you shouldn't trust pagans, witches or influential women.
The remake also cheekily lifts a lot of devices from the original, and reputedly, whole chunks of the dialogue are practically identical, so stuff that was clever, witty and original is just churned out again.
Oh, and there is a Wicker man at the end where Cage gets cooked up and without the dignity given to Woodward.
So there you have it - if you remake a film, it does have to be better and the wrinkles ironed out. At every point the devices of the original have been just wasted and this one is not even a poor parody. A complete waste of money and what a comedown for Cage, whose acting, though competent, can't save this film.