When will people learn?? You mention something idly at a policy meeting and the next thing you know people are sending you money and asking about departure details. That's how this all started - with a small group of people upstairs in a pub (that sounds faintly familiar...). It became the Naughty New Orleans Nosferatour and it went something like this...

Wednesday 29th October 1997

Check-In time was 7:30am. Given the time of day most people looked quite good on the amount of sleep that they hadn't had. Upon arriving everyone was given their goody bags containing everything they'd need for the flight and holiday - pens, maps, fruit, toys and colouring books - a small something from the organisers to add to the luggage mountain that was fast threatening to cause serious congestion around the American Airlines desk.

We were all hugely impressed by the competence of the check-in staff who having said at first that we could all check in together then decided that we couldn't and then decided that we could. Clear decisive action that's what we like, and when we find some we'll let you know.

Into the air on time and away... (We'll gloss over the fact that the safety video was made by SHOT Productions of Dallas, Texas - who said the Americans can't laugh at themselves?!?) One of the hostesses rejoiced in the name 'Breezy Maul' and no one sniggered at all, honest. Official American Airlines-sanctioned drinks were then served to coincide nicely with a spot of air turbulence - amazing how the two always happen at the same time.

The in-flight movie was 'Batman and Robin', a touch ironic as most of the people going had been to see it together in London. One member of the party was hugely disappointed when it was discovered that AA sick bags are plain white with no logo.

Following the excitement of the movie we were then asked to fill in Visa Waiver forms, which provided much humour. Assuming you actually wanted to enter the USA would you answer 'yes' to the following:-
'Have you ever been or are you now involved in espionage or sabotage; or in terrorist activities; or genocide; or between 1933 and 1945 were you involved, in any way, in persecutions associated with Nazi Germany or its allies?'

Other questions involved drug abuse, crimes of moral turpitude, trafficking in controlled substances, visa fraud, and physical and mental disorder. Assuming that you had indulged in any of the above and were honest/stupid enough to say so the best part was reserved to last:- 'IMPORTANT: If you have answered 'YES' to any of the above, please contact the American Embassy BEFORE you travel to the U.S. since you may be refused admission into the United States.' Well, that's all very well apart from the fact that you are only given these forms to fill out once you are in the air!!

Several hours later we arrived at Chicago O'Hare for our connecting flight to New Orleans and we'll say no more about the member of the group busted by the cheese police for illegal importation of cheesy substances (America takes a dim view of people importing fruit and veg). We made the flight ok and the captain welcomed the 'British visitors' so profusely it was almost embarrassing.

Upon arrival at New Orleans we were met by our coach driver and guide who were to take us to the hotel. On the way we stopped off at a Schwegmann Supermarket for essentials (and all those things people suddenly realised that they had forgotten). Our driver later told us that the locals had thought we were a visiting rap group (I'll let you work that one out for yourselves) - one nice lady even tried to sign me up for a family portrait at very competitive rates, and wasn't discouraged at all when I told her that I was only visiting and that my family were in fact several thousand miles away - that's American entrepreneurial spirit for you. At this point a small indication of how cheap stuff was - a litre and three quarter bottle of Jack Daniels cost $25, about £17. So in terms of UK prices if you buy 3/4 litre you get the litre free.

And then we got to the hotel... Formerly an orphanage the St Vincent's Guest House looked great. The only problem being the fact that they weren't ready for us. Oops. It turned out that the owners, a couple who owned several hotels, were in the middle of a particularly messy divorce and were busy trying to cause each other as much difficulty as possible and we were caught in the cross-fire.

After what seemed like ages (about an hour and a half)the rooms were sorted, keys passed out and up the elevators we went with our mountains of luggage. The more adventurous ventured out for dinner whilst the rest of the group just collapsed.

Thursday 30th October

I awoke to discover that the room had an extra occupant - quite possibly one of the largest cockroaches I have ever seen. That will be local colour then.

After breakfast thinking that there was ages until the city coach tour that was booked for that day several of the group decide to catch a trolley bus into the French Quarter. Tragically they got on one going in the opposite direction and so went on an impromptu tour of the Garden district and points beyond. Fortunately the conductor was very nice when we discovered what we'd done (which was not until the end of the line) and let us ride back for free. So we got a 15 mile round trip for a dollar. Now that's value for money. Getting back just in time to 'freshen up' it was onto the coach for a tour of New Orleans.

We drove round the city, past the Superdome (biggest gig - the Stones in '75, fact fans) and stopped off at Lafayette Cemetery No.3 with the statue of Jesus the rather boastful fisherman - 'It was this big', for our first taste of N'Orluns burial customs. Then onto the city park which is the biggest urban park in the USA - it incorporates four 18 hole golf courses as well as tennis courts, football pitches, basketball courts and baseball diamonds as well as just park. We stopped for lunch there and partook of restrooms, postcards and ice- cream.

The coach then took us back to the hotel where we disembarked, shell-shocked from the amount of info our guide had imparted, to prepare for the Vampire Walking Tour.

This was run by Haunted History Tours, one of several firms that take tours round the city. We were guided by Kat the wife of HHT's director. Apparently all the other guides had been too nervous to take us, giggle snigger. There then followed a trail of vampire happenings and 'orrible murder. Some of the group were a little sceptical about some of these but the trip was broken up by various bar stops. Of particular note were the group's almost complete inability to recognise some of the sets from 'Interview...' and one of the other guides who according to some of our group clearly had great things ahead of her. The tour finished in another bar and the least said of one of our number, the waitresses and the toilet the better...

Friday 31st October

Not quite so many for breakfast this morning. Today Anne Rice was signing copies of her new book 'Violin' and so the day had been left free for those that wanted to attend that to do so and others to do as they pleased. We headed into the French Quarter, this time catching the trolley bus in the right direction and wandered about. Lunch at the French Market Restaurant Bar and a first sampling of the local cocktail - the Hurricane and Blackened Voodoo lager, great name average lager.

After that ambled along Decatur Street and into a couple of malls. They show up UK shopping centres for the piss poor copies that they are. One of these - the Riverwalk Mall - was the scene last year of a supertanker trying to execute a three point turn in the Mississippi and failing dismally. Strangely they haven't chosen to mark the spot with a plaque. Stopping for further refreshment it was discovered that Hurricane slurpees contain too much ice and not nearly enough alcohol. Well, at least we know now.

Back to the hotel for Halloween preparations. The trolley buses going into the French quarter were so full that cabs were the only option, it was going to be a long night...

Saturday 1st November

Even fewer for breakfast - though this may have had something to do with the late night/early morning that for some was still going on. More people emerged in time for the trip to the Aquarium of the Americas. Fish are obviously a nice soothing way to start the day, and it was cool and dark as well - always helpful when feeling a bit fragile.

After that people drifted off to amuse themselves for the rest of the day until the next diary engagement, the Anne Rice Ball.

This was appropriately enough being held on Howard Avenue at a nightclub called Tipitanas - a nightclub so clean and tidy the word nightclub is wholly inappropriate. Thus we entered (deep breath) 'The Ninth Annual Gathering of the Coven of Anne Rice's Vampire Lestat Fan Club'. Ms Rice never being one to miss out on the merchandise angle there were a selection of T shirt designs and signed posters to mark the event.

Whilst many of the guests had dressed up few of them seemed to be from the vampire books. The outfits ranged from Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf to Pinhead and various members of the Star Wars galaxy. There were quite a few period costumes on show though I suspect that most of them were due back at the hire shop on Monday.

Several bands played and if I still had my programme (apparently quite collectable!!) I'd tell you what they were called. Anne Rice herself even made a couple of appearances on stage and on one occasion hinted that 'The Vampire Lestat' is about to be filmed.

Overall the ball seems to have very little to do with Lestat and the works of Ms Rice. It is now an opportunity for those who wouldn't want to go into the French Quarter on Halloween itself to wear fancy dress and have a party. All in all quite an experience but perhaps not the one that the majority of us were expecting.

About 12:30 some of us decided that enough was quite enough and left in search of food. Heading back to the hotel we discovered that no one would deliver and so headed to the Moonlight Bar - an establishment already patronised and found to be LVG friendly for food. We also discovered that in New Orleans credit card validation calls take just as long at 2:40 in the morning as they do at any other time of the day. Truly a 24 hour place. Once it had cleared we made our way back to the hotel for some rest.

Sunday 2nd November

I woke up at 7:00. Aaarghh - I only went to bed four hours ago. Staggered out for breakfast to discover that Klif was already up and writing postcards having already eaten breakfast. Now that's really sick.

Today was a free day so people were left to their own devices. Most people headed back into the French Quarter for more shopping and sightseeing. I had a specific destination of my own in the Quarter and headed north of Bourbon Street to photograph the St Peter's Guest House - the hotel Johnny Thunders checked out of six years ago.

Lunch was a rather excellent wood-fire baked pizza. The food here is excellent and pretty cheap compared to home.

One of the bookshops on Decatur Street was piled high with copies of 'Violin'. I couldn't decide whether this was because it was a promotion for a local author, sorry, THE local author or they just weren't selling.

Back to the Half Moon Bar for evening refreshment. More from Rupert and other's who went to New Orleans next issue.